Wednesday, June 16, 2021

Pregnancy Vulnerability

Prior to finding out about my pregnancy, I like probably most girls in their late teenage years had wondered how one knew they were pregnant. Simply, a quick google search would give you false answers as it read symptoms of periods, pregnancy, and yeast infections.... all sharing things in common. 

Looking back a year ago, I acknowledge the lack of understanding on women's health and open conversations I shared with friends or even my mom. See, I and many other women across the country have all found ourselves shy at the thought of purchasing a pregnancy test, or feeling the need to hide the shame and fear that comes with reading the results of one. I now realize how important these situations are with future generations to come, because sex and understanding our bodies, should not be something were ashamed of, but instead should help connect us to one another.

I found myself ignoring the commitment of reading the results, despite all the unusual symptoms. It's not that I was scared to find out I was pregnant, I mean I was, but if I'm being honest... I already knew I was. 

Since a young age, sex and women's health have always been a bit taboo. I never had conversations with my parents in regards to any changes of my body, aside from what to do when you did get your first period. This is where my initial fears of failing the so called life I was destined to live would begin. You don't often hear about becoming a mom at a point in life that might seem too early to others. But if you do hear about these incidents, it’s "you should wait till your financially stable", blah, blah, blah. 

Well I'm here to tell you that pregnancy is so different than what society paints it to be. I get it, theres various aspects that become "political" or "controversial" but no decision matters besides your own. Pregnancy is a state of vulnerability. I swear I have never changed my perspective on so many things after going through this experience. The weird thing is, its also not how you see in the movies, finding out you're going to have a child doesn't hit you as soon as you read the test. I’m not lying, I found myself staring at my results a few times wondering when I would begin crying. You don't know what decision is right, in fact it takes days, weeks, months to fully process where you stand and whether you feel ready. You go through doubt, fear, love, pain. You challenge your mental stability, you revaluate responsibilities, you lose yourself, but the best part of it all? You gain an understanding of life that you never did prior to it all. 

It's an experience that society will never begin to normalize because we're often taught to shame single moms, having kids at a young age, or even co parenting. We do these things without even knowing were doing it. I hope to be able to open up to my kids and feel comfortable sharing my experiences. I hope that in the near future, young girls done feel ashamed to seek resources during incidents of vulnerability. I hope that women struggling to feel themselves have people to share their experiences with and know that they're not alone. 

You've probably found yourself hearing "You're never truly ready", and nothing has resonated more than that phrase. But don't feel pressured to take that as, "Do it", because quite frankly everyone has their own plans and aspirations at their own timing. As much as I joke with my friends about wanting them to have kids, I'm also not shy to admit that becoming a mommy has been one of the hardest experiences I've endured. It's tested limit I didn't know existed, and now I find myself seeking balance to feel like I haven't completely lost sight of the girl I knew prior to this.  

Have conversations, share your experiences, and understand the vulnerability takes you to places you wouldn’t have experienced otherwise. 

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