Thursday, June 17, 2021

First Year Must Haves

 


As we quickly approach the one year mark,
I wanted to share a few all star products that became essentials during our first year as parents. I know I found myself researching anything and everything, and spending unnecessary money in order to find the products that worked best for us. Perhaps it’s mommy brain, but I am sure there are a few I will forget to mention. This post might seem all over the place, but welcome to parenthood!


1. ALEXA

How silly right? The truth is we actually didn’t purchase Amazon’s Alexa because we were having a baby… we actually already owned it and had received it as a Christmas present a few years ago. Although not a registry item, Alexa really came through for us and quickly became a favorite. We used it to sleep our baby, playing Disney music, white noise while he napped, and became a hit during our dance party prior to bath time. Of course you don’t have to spend money in purchasing an Alexa, but if your baby is anything like ours, a speaker is a must!


2. HATCH SOUND MACHINE 

This item was listed in almost all registries or baby must have videos/ posts I looked into. I didn’t really understand the concept of using a sound machine, perhaps because I had never truly been around babies, but oh boy did we sleep like babies. With a crazy bulldog and neighborhood kids playing outside our home, the hatch noise became a soother for our baby canceling all background noise during nap time and bedtime. 


3. DOONA

I know, I know… a controversial item. Let’s be honest, this item is pricy as f!! And if you’re looking into reviews, people will scare you by suggesting that the duo only lasts you six months before baby outgrows it. I decided to purchase it with that in mind and almost panicked once our baby was reaching six months. If I have any advice when considering the Doona I would say, every baby is different.  Keep in mind that some babies might out grow it quicker than others. With that being said, I had initially made my choice based on the fact that I saw us taking multiple road trips as we are a Disney family and go to the parks multiple times a year. What I decided to do, and highly recommend others do is, put your essentials or pricier items on your baby registry. Don’t get me wrong, I completely understand the excitement of wanting to add bows in 700 colors and 8 different bottle types, but if we’re being honest, you’re going to end up wasting money by doing so. Although someone might not be able to buy you a $500 stroller off your registry, gift cards or contributions to items exist! Unfortunately I was one of the moms who gave birth during a pandemic, but with that being said, the car seat to stroller still came in handy when it came to doctor appointments, switching between cars, and road trips.


4. ARTIPOPPE BABY CARRIER 

Baby carriers were one of the many mistakes I made. The truth is, my baby absolutely hated feeling tight, which is why swaddles did not work out for us. I started off with the mint wrap since it was one of the most obtainable items, as it was sold at my local target, my baby had good days and bad days in it. We tried the dolly baby wrap, which did become one of our favorites, the downside? Our baby got heavy quick, ultimately outgrowing the weight limit. We were forced to look into the sturdier baby carriers that would last us a few years. Boy moms, you get…. Your back just isn’t the same after carrying around a baby half your size. I had heard about artipoppe carriers and had seen them all over Instagram… but when it came time to purchasing one I quickly chickened out as the price screamed “save for a family car instead”. So we tried a different baby carrier. If you’re looking for a cheaper alternative, Tula became a favorite carrier that we used for a few months. It was practical and easy. Mother’s Day quickly came around the corner however, and I could not get over how cute the artipoppe carriers were, so I used it as an excuse and ordered one. I get it, some people can’t justify the price, but I am a long term planner and as someone who plans on having more babies, I figured some of these products are an investment. I fell in love with how soft and comfortable the carrier felt on my body despite carrying my heavy boy. I will say this carrier is one of the easiest and most practical to put on if you are going out on your own.  

If you are like me and have been putting off pulling the trigger, I do have a link that will save you $50 or so off! 


5. SKIP HOP BABY ACTIVITY CENTER

I always said that when I became a mom, I would shy away from having the obnoxious colored activity, swings, and toys all over my living room. Well as a parent you quickly learn how your living room will become a playroom. I had my eye on the Skip Hop Activity center for a while and one of our family members actually ended up gifting us it for Christmas. This became a life saver as it gave our baby something to entertain himself with while I would cook or take a shower (if you know, you know). If you still think the center is not too colorful I know a few sellers on Etsy have leg wraps to make it more modern. 


6.  ANGEL CARE BABY BATH SEAT 

This was also one of the man items I purchased solely based off of the videos and blog posts I saw online when it came to must haves. Our baby enjoyed this and it made it easy for us to give him a bath without freaking out about him slipping in the water. Highly recommend! 


7. IKEA HIGH CHAIR

To be honest, I didn’t really think splurging on a high chair was something I wanted to do. I followed a few girls that used this $19 chair and said it worked for them, so we drove to our nearest Ikea and purchased it as soon as it came time to introducing solids to our baby. I’m sure you’ve probably seen hundreds of people mention them, but @yeahbabygoods on Instagram actually makes adorable leg wraps, cushion covers, and placemats for the high chair, allowing you to customize and transform your high chair to your liking! A plus? they’re a small business, who wouldn’t want to support that! Check them out. 


8. BURTS BEES PJS

OMG I cannot rave enough about these pjs. We actually stumbled upon these randomly at Target one day. You know, Target kind of became an addiction during the pandemic, and not being able to shop for baby added to the fuel. I first purchased a pair of onesie during Christmas time and fell in love with the material and how snug they fit on our baby. Onesies are essentials regardless, but having an organic material that was soft and easy to clean became a favorite! We’ve collected a few onesies, and now two piece sleepers from their line and still use them to this day.


9. TUBBY TODD 

Prior to having a baby I wasn’t informed on truly how sensitive baby skin was, or what issues came up post birth. I actually heard about Tubby Todd through Instagram and knew other mama’s raved about their products. If I’m being honest, they weren’t the first brand we started off using, in fact Honest was a more obtainable option at the time and is also one of our favorites when we run out of our Tubby Todd products. I ran out of our body wash and decided to order their most popular trio to see what the hype was about. During my pregnancy I was working for a small business that also promoted clean ingredients and all natural process in creating them, so it almost became impossible to ignore clean products based off of my work background. I liked the idea of knowing what was touching my baby’s skin, making it easier to want to try the products out! Well, clearly they made my list for a reason, front the packaging, to the ingredients, and the amazing customer service… I fell in love! I know I’m a sucker for discounts, so I will link my code that will save you 10% off your purchase. Trust me, these products make perfect baby shower gifts, and a must have to add to your registry. 


10. POKE A DOT BOOKS

Yay we finally made it to the last and most recent favorite! At about 10 ish months, I made more frequent trips to Barnes and Noble with my son to introduce him to new books and find activities that could keep him entertained back home. I came across one of these books, but at first he didn’t quite comprehend the idea. I took it home, hoping that he would continue to practice. This month however, this book has become a FAVORITE toy. When I say favorite, I mean it’s helped us stop him from crying in the car, or keeping him entertained so mom can cook lunch. 

Wow, who knew 10 items would seem an eternity. Like I mentioned, parenthood involves finding what works best for your baby, even if it means trying out multiple of the same item in different brands or materials. Unfortunately, most things are trial and error, and what might work for one baby, might not work for another. With that being said, I hope I was able to distinguish a few key items to add to your registry or gift to someone you know who might be expecting!


I do want to mention one last site that I’ve really enjoyed, and that is @thebabycubby on Instagram! I don’t even know how I came across this site, but the layout and process of finding baby products based on reviews and tutorials made everything so stress free! You can become a member by signing up through email and earning points with every purchase! They have a variety of brands you’ll learn to love, and give really helpful videos that include details you might of not known about prior to a purchase. 


Wednesday, June 16, 2021

Pregnancy Vulnerability



Prior to finding out about my pregnancy, I like probably most girls in their late teenage years had wondered how one knew they were pregnant. Simply, a quick google search would give you false answers as it read symptoms of periods, pregnancy, and yeast infections.... all sharing things in common. 

Looking back a year ago, I acknowledge the lack of understanding on women's health and open conversations I shared with friends or even my mom. See, I and many other women across the country have all found ourselves shy at the thought of purchasing a pregnancy test, or feeling the need to hide the shame and fear that comes with reading the results of one. I now realize how important these situations are with future generations to come, because sex and understanding our bodies, should not be something were ashamed of, but instead should help connect us to one another.

I found myself ignoring the commitment of reading the results, despite all the unusual symptoms. It's not that I was scared to find out I was pregnant, I mean I was, but if I'm being honest... I already knew I was. 

Since a young age, sex and women's health have always been a bit taboo. I never had conversations with my parents in regards to any changes of my body, aside from what to do when you did get your first period. This is where my initial fears of failing the so called life I was destined to live would begin. You don't often hear about becoming a mom at a point in life that might seem too early to others. But if you do hear about these incidents, it’s "you should wait till your financially stable", blah, blah, blah. 

Well I'm here to tell you that pregnancy is so different than what society paints it to be. I get it, theres various aspects that become "political" or "controversial" but no decision matters besides your own. Pregnancy is a state of vulnerability. I swear I have never changed my perspective on so many things after going through this experience. The weird thing is, its also not how you see in the movies, finding out you're going to have a child doesn't hit you as soon as you read the test. I’m not lying, I found myself staring at my results a few times wondering when I would begin crying. You don't know what decision is right, in fact it takes days, weeks, months to fully process where you stand and whether you feel ready. You go through doubt, fear, love, pain. You challenge your mental stability, you revaluate responsibilities, you lose yourself, but the best part of it all? You gain an understanding of life that you never did prior to it all. 

It's an experience that society will never begin to normalize because we're often taught to shame single moms, having kids at a young age, or even co parenting. We do these things without even knowing were doing it. I hope to be able to open up to my kids and feel comfortable sharing my experiences. I hope that in the near future, young girls done feel ashamed to seek resources during incidents of vulnerability. I hope that women struggling to feel themselves have people to share their experiences with and know that they're not alone. 

You've probably found yourself hearing "You're never truly ready", and nothing has resonated more than that phrase. But don't feel pressured to take that as, "Do it", because quite frankly everyone has their own plans and aspirations at their own timing. As much as I joke with my friends about wanting them to have kids, I'm also not shy to admit that becoming a mommy has been one of the hardest experiences I've endured. It's tested limit I didn't know existed, and now I find myself seeking balance to feel like I haven't completely lost sight of the girl I knew prior to this.  

Have conversations, share your experiences, and understand the vulnerability takes you to places you wouldn’t have experienced otherwise. 


Tuesday, March 17, 2020

The Vintage Reality


Vintage clothing and sneakers have become a phenomenon over the last few years, creating an opportunity for people to not only express themselves through different colorways and patterns, but to also welcome a new opportunity for young people to make a living out of a passion. 
Twenty-four-year-old Carlos Reyes, who resides in Tracy, California, grew up in Oakland alongside his family. Due to a lack of money, Reyes was introduced to the idea of thrift shopping from a young age, as he spent his back-to-school shopping money at secondhand shops with his family. At shops with racks of endless clothing, varying in sizes and patterns resembling different generations, Reyes developed a love for finding hidden treasures. As he went through his four years of high school and his first few years in college, his love for shopping at thrift stores only grew.
“It got to the point where I had huge containers of clothing taking up space in my room,” Reyes says. “I had to start selling off all these clothes and that’s what got me into reselling.”
Vital Vintage Goods is a private boutique, carrying only vintage and streetwear in Tracy. Carrying an assortment of items ranging from ‘90s band tees to the latest items on the market from trendy brands such as Supreme and Bape, the shop is open by appointment only and can be booked from their Instagram @vitalvintagegoods. Inspired by his childhood and inspiration from clothing, Reyes opened his boutique nearly a year ago.
“Vintage will always be where the heart is,” Reyes says. “I always keep the younger version of me with no money in the back of my head. I try to become the store I wish I had when I was young and where I could get dope clothes at affordable prices.”
Earlier this year, The New York Times published a piece on the expense of shoes in the reseller market and how prices can exceed those at stores such as at Footlocker or Champs by hundreds of dollars. Vintage shops have shaped the way young people shop, as many people are on a tight budget as they juggle college expenses and working more than one job to be able to afford their lifestyle.
So what exactly impacts what people who consider as overpriced shoes? Well, thanks to the internet, fans of shoes and popular brands such as Supreme can use sites such as Stock X to calculate the predetermined value of an item, and push them to set their alarms at four in the morning to wait in the electronic line. In the real world, between Fairfax and Melrose Avenue in Los Angeles, many kids and even adults line their field chairs up a day prior, in hopes of catching drops from Supreme every Thursday morning.
“Depending on what is releasing, and what we can get our hands on, my brother and I will normally purchase five to ten pairs of shoes a month,” says Eric Smith.
Alongside his brother, Smith uses apps such as StockX and GOAT to help determine what shoes people are in search for, as well as just how much they are willing to pay. These apps merge large brands such as Nike and Adidas and allow people to not only resell and purchase, but also to bid on items.
The question then becomes why exactly would someone waste their time sitting on the computer waiting in line in order to make a few bucks? The answer is bots. Bots are essentially a form of software used to automate the purchasing process. The software not only fights for a better place in line, but also completes the checkout process. These bot programs can themselves be purchased, usually for around a couple hundred dollars.
“It is really hard to purchase even though you have bots, especially when the sneaker community is getting ten times bigger than before,” explains Isaac Zhao, a student who resells sneakers on the side.
Despite the reselling trend, there are many apps and websites that exist to help people who are actually searching to buy the sneaker and t-shirt for themselves. Flight Club, Stock X, and GOAT are some of those places with hidden treasures. On these sites, the inventory is organized by popular demand, prices, and brands, allowing people to find exactly what they are looking for and compare prices within each site.
“Deciding what to buy and knowing the market is helpful,” Smith says. “The StockX app is very useful creating a platform for buyers and sellers to display ask prices and live bids. GOAT also helps forecast what shoes people want and how much they are willing to pay for.”
Sneakers have long been a big part of the entertainment industry.. With Nike partnering with models such as Bella Hadid to advertise their infamous Cortez, and Travis Scott collaborating with Jordan, the popular demand to dress like one’s favorite celebrity has grown. Adidas, for example has even taken it so far as to create a collection based on the popular anime “Dragon Ball Z.” Puma, similar to Adidas has brought the culture of childhood into their designs with a Barbie collection as well as Hot Wheels, released earlier this month.
Alongside the sneaker community, streetwear has become prevalent in the fashion industry and has sparked an experience when it comes to not only purchasing, but also reselling. Brands such as Supreme and Bape have created side jobs for kids to stand in line, only to later sell a released item for double the price.
The market has created an opportunity for people like Reyes to create a living out of a passion. Although sneakers are one of the items impacting the fashion industry heavily today, clothes continues to play a large role as it provides a larger variety of pieces for one to play with. With the very same desire to find hidden treasures in the clothing racks at a young age, Reyes takes in larger inventory in clothing at his shop to get a customer’s money worth and keep them happy as they walk out the door, reminiscing on the feeling he felt when he finished shopping.
“I love the community aspect of the resell game and all the friendships I’ve created along the way,” Reyes says. “There’s some people who only care about the money, and those are the people who don’t last. I’m not so much about the money, money comes and goes. I do it for the customers I get to meet, their stories I get to hear, and the young kids I get to leave a positive impression on. That means more to me than a pair of shoes or a piece of clothing ever will.”
As the popularity of fashion continues to expand, especially in large cities such as San Francisco and Los Angeles, the demand for brands and pieces continues to grow. Through inspiration and desire to have the latest items, people seek a newly found love for shopping from boutique retail shops to online.

The Disney Craze


“My first memory of Disney goes back to 1994. The Lion King had just come to theaters, so my mom and aunt took me and my cousin to see it. Being the cool six year olds we were, we insisted on sitting a few rows in front of our parents.” explains Katy Vitus, “ The time came when Rafiki held Simba up on Pride Rock, I got out of my seat and threw my hands in the air in the middle of the theatre. That moment changed my life forever.”

Childhood memories often consist of playing in the parks, posing for pictures, and eating sugar. Disneyland embodied just that. 

Disneyland became a place where kids could be kids, and adults could soak in the idea of being a kid one last time. As years went on, kids became adults, continuing the tradition of visiting the magical place, also known as the happiest place on earth. To some, the park continues to embody just that, which is a reason thousands visit yearly, monthly, and even weekly.

“Disney was able to transform me into this dream world as a kid. It made me feel like anything was possible and it taught me to never grow up because it really is a trap,” says Vitus, a Disney fan from Oregon.  

Walt Disney, began his career with illustrations in Kansas City, sitting on his sister’s bed; she suffered from measles. Walt would use the illustrations to keep her company and entertain her as she was bedridden. 

Mickey Mouse made his first appearance in Steamboat Willie at the Colony Theatre in New York on November 18 1928, where he became iconic for his voice and movement, shaping a personality that would embody what Disney would come to be.

In 1940 Walt began visiting amusement parks, as he envisioned opening one of his own that would bring people from around the world to enjoy being themselves. On July 17, 1955, Disneyland opened. Millions of people, already touched by Walt’s animations watched from the comfort of their own home on TV through the broadcasting, some even attending the ceremony. 

“In 2017 I became an Annual Passholder for the first time ever and besides the birth of my children, that was the happiest moment of my life. I try to get to the parks every other month if I can,” explains Vitus.

Katy, an annual passholder to Disneyland in Anaheim, CA resides in Oregon and has taken her love for Disney to the internet. Going by mainstmuse on Instagram, after the parks’ Main Street, she visits the parks every other month. She has become popular on instagram for her Etsy shop where she creates her infamous retro ears, which are available to purchase every few weeks with new colorway drops as well as apparel for other Disney fans to enjoy.
“You don’t know what you’re missing. It is not about the lines, the prices, the horrible pain in your legs when it’s all done. It’s about the people you’re with, if you love them you’ll have a great times,” says Noelle Villalobos, a cast member at Disneyland.
 If you're an ordinary individual who might be familiar with Disney, you might be wondering what the hype behind the parks and company might be. Fans continue to embody their love for their childhood memories, some of which they hope to pass down. People around the world save up yearly, to experience Disney and everything it has to offer, regardless of the price. 

“To me, it is this place where I can be myself and let my freak flag fly, everyone else who is there with you is the same on some level,” explains Kaitlin Czurylo, a Disney blogger known as wishuponstarrynight on Instagram who resides in Chicago, “I can dress head-to-toe Disney, skip to Fantasyland to ride the tea cups, eat way too many sweets (and chicken tenders), and meet a princess. Like, come on! I get to be that second grader again, playing around in a whole world created to inspire the love of magic in everyone.”
By walking through the gates you are welcomed by cast members. As you continue towards Main St. you experience seeing characters you only knew through films and books, and notice people decked out in Disneyland merch as they hold the infamous churro. 
In 2018 Disney announced the rise in park admission, which upset several people. The reason was in hopes of helping with crowds with the upcoming opening of Star Wars’ Galaxy Edge, in summer of 2019. Disney implemented new ways to control entry into the park, including prices, hoping that it would create a balance between both parks. The highly-anticipated land spans fourteen acres and will merge the popular theme of Tomorrowland and Star Wars. The price for an Signature Annual Passport skyrocketed from $849 in 2017 to $999 in 2018.
 “The prices going up at Disney don’t get to me.  I pay it and move on.” describes Jenny Flake, a Disney food blogger, who posts all delicious snacks on her instagram account @disneyhungry.
The craze for the culture does not end here, as several people across the country travel to conventions such as the D 23 Expo in Anaheim, which merges all things Disney under one roof including Pixar, Marvel and Disney and Star Wars. The expo features benefits to fans as it pushes previews of upcoming films as well as additions to parks across the world. 
“The nostalgia and romanticizing of my experiences there will always make it worth to me. Will I need to cut back on trips, yes. But I would never stop going to Disney.” explains Kaitlin.
In 1964, Walt Disney toyed with the idea of having a private lounge for his guests.The lounge was used to host investors and sponsors that Walt would invite to Disneyland himself. According Disneyland, in May of 1967, the lounge became known as Club 33. According to the Thrillist, the rumoured initiation fee of $25,000 to $30,000 fee as well as a ten-year-waitlist might stop people from enjoying fine wine and a gourmet dinner inside the park.
Conventions and museums have also become an important way to stay connected to the magic for fans who do not live near a Disney park.
The Walt Disney Family Museum opens the door for Disney fans to experience a timeline of Walt Disney through his ups and downs and gives them the ability to relate on several occasions as a dream comes with challenges. With new refreshments to the exhibitions, two to three times a year, visitors embody the history of their favorite characters and the man behind it all. Opening in Spring of 2019, Mickey Mouse: From Walt to the World, a new exhibition to the museum will give the world a view into the character who shaped art and entertainment over the past nine decades. 
The museum was created by Walt’s daughter Diane Disney Miller, so it is a biography of Walt disney’s life through his daughter's eyes.” explains Kirsten Komoroske, the executive director at the Walt Disney Family Museum in San Francisco. “We have a lot of audio from Walt Disney himself and it is interesting to hear his story form himself, a lot of people want to get inspired.”
As new additions continue to emerge throughout the upcoming decades, Disney and the first animated character who embodies the role of childhood continues to influence people and their desire to never grow up. 
“Disney, to me, is the ultimate comfort. I know the movies, I know the history, I know the parks. On the whole, Disney sparks joy and happiness... what's so wrong with that.” says Czurylo.

Tuesday, October 1, 2019

You Smile

"I really want to make you the happiest girl in the world because I care about you a lot, it makes me so happy when I see you smile"

October 1, 2019 8:29 PM PST

I would wake up to re read the letters you would write me following the parked car conversations in front of the park, across the street from my house. I used to wake up with the fear of falling in love, as I was scared of getting hurt once again. The truth is life has unexpected turns that often present themselves in ways we don't always prepare for. I had to learn that nothing in life is guaranteed, and that you could wake up one day wondering why the plan you had set in your mind over the years suddenly didn't feel like the right one to follow. How the person you once saw yourself spending the rest of your life with, was now a stranger who you shared a relationship with over text. I wouldn't say I was depressed when you walked into my life, because thats far from the truth. I was happy in my own skin, with flaws that resembled insecurity of whether I had even been good enough to take the next step with someone I once cared deeply about. I knew I deserved better, not because he was an awful person, in fact let me make that clear, he wasn't. I knew I deserved better because no one should ever have to second guess giving you what you hoped you deserved after years of losing sleep and taking missed absences in class to try to make something work. I've learned to hate the excuse of being too busy to see someone who wants to keep a relationship or friendship alive, because sometimes that invite might be an escape from reality that is too deep to climb out of.

 I knew I was confused, but if there was anything I learned in those last 2 months, was that life was unpredictable and that you often felt a certain way for a reason. Nipsey's death humbled me not because he was an artist who inspired millions through his words, but he shared a love with someone in one of the most honest ways one could possibly do so. You waited for me to open the door to my heart, knowing I was learning things about myself whilst still giving everyone around me a shoulder to lean on and an ear to listen to. You were one of the few people to give that in return, and for that I'll always be thankful. I learned that the hate that lived in my heart was a reflection of the pain I had held in me, and that things didn't have to end with me carrying it around, even if thats what I felt was necessary at the time. You motivated me to live a happier life filled with fewer expectations of a timeline that was unrealistic.

As I sit here almost halfway through my 20's I've learned that people will make time for those they care about, and that fear guides you where you need it to, that is to test your limits and make you a stronger individual. Life proved me that most of the things I once told myself I would never be able to accomplish were possible if I wanted them. Although you might be reading this thinking I'm here to thank you for the food, the flowers, the gifts, please take it into consideration that you sitting in my car listening to the lyrics of good guy and ivy without feeling the need to lean over and kiss me or touch me was what did it. You had no doubt in your heart to give me the time I needed to heal and reassure me of what you wanted to leave behind in life.

After you leaned in for a kiss and quickly apologized, I decided my fears were stopping me from learning more about the world, because your innocence behind each move was pure. You allowed me to learn that the unpredictable was sometimes the change life put in place, to make you realize life is too short to map out your life on a timeline labeled "life".




Thursday, August 29, 2019

Summer Photo Diary I








Soulmates


The question always arises when discussing relationships,
even at the age of 17, thinking I had any idea to what love entailed.

"Do soulmates exist?"

The truth is, I've always been attracted to individuals as I feel entitled to learn every detail about someone in order to protect them at all costs.

Life has a funny way of showcasing opportunities and blessings in many ways that we might find confusing to us. Often times we consider the variables of what our mission on this earth might be. In fact I've considered this several times whilst I lay in bed, or write happy birthday messages to those I care deeply about.

You see, it might sound silly to several people living on the earth, because if were talking biology many might argue that our only goal on this planet is to reproduce and help the process of evolution. Quite frankly, my mission on this earth might contribute to 1% of that, that is if I get lucky.

Sitting at the adult table at every kid's birthday party, sitting on the opposite side of a crowd of kids screaming together, and paying attention to one's emotions, that became my specialty from a young age. I learned to evaluate and learn, simply by observing and paying attention to what kids my age never learned to.

Growing up I had issues with setting boundaries with my observations, as I overanalyzed everything. I would get bullied for being quite and staring, many thinking I was stalking. I never learned how to control it, so when I would get attacked I felt crazy and misunderstood by my peers. I lost friendships throughout the years due to this.

When the idea of love came to play a part of my life, the analyzations and details became even more prominent.

Soulmates has always been a tricky issue to discuss as many believe it to be a Romeo and Juliet type situation. The truth is, soulmates can be just about anyone that steps foot into your life, at least thats how I see it.

Although the process of evolution sounds like an interesting mission set forth by god or a bigger entity(whatever you choose to believe), I've always felt a strong connection to the idea that my mission on this earth is to help, to listen, and to simply learn... EVERYTHING.

I've come across hundreds of people in my life thus far, but theres been few who have resonated with me and allowed me to grow as a person. Its funny to think that someone can walk into your life, probably not thinking anything of it, and leave one of the biggest marks behind. The way it works in my eyes is, this person standing in front of you was placed here for a reason, whether they're meant to stay in your life for decades, or even an hour. Whether they needed to meet me, or I needed to meet them, we came across each others paths to contribute to my mission of learning. Few people can lend you their ears, or inspire you with their words, however those who do are destined to be your soulmate.

Life gets weird, after all I've had soulmates walk out of my life, but if were talking about soulmates we must understand the importance of realizing the soulmate is the person you met in that time frame. People evolve, people change, and that just something that we must learn to accept and move forth with.

Soulmates can vary from the friend you first asked for a piece of binder paper on your first day of college, to the person who fulfilled the idea of love in your head for the first time, to the chance at life living inside your 4-month-old belly. Individuals can tell you a lot about life and give you a purpose to evolve and change characteristics about yourself or the environment you live in. So why are we so scared to label someone as our soulmate? Let whoever's words sat in your head, resonate with you for life. Learn from those words, and don't be afraid to inspire.

Soulmate
/ˈsōl ˌmāt/ : A person ideally suited to another person under temperament 

Thursday, July 25, 2019

07.19.19 12:50 AM


The doubt sat in my mind months before I came to the conclusion that life didn't consist of the fairytales Disney movies and Nicolas Sparks books convinced us of.

The truth is, I never understood the idea of heartbreak and how it could shape someone to better themselves. After all, wasn't love what shaped the world? This is where I discovered that the world lacked love.

Heartbreak created fear within myself for the months following our split, it created a sense of confusion and feeling lost within myself and  the environment I so relied on. I came to the conclusion that the love we shared was selfish on my end as I was too caught up in the idea of how I wanted to be portrayed or how bad I wanted my plan to go as followed. I lost sight of loving you in the right way, if there even is a right way to love. I planned years ahead rather than focusing on what mattered in the moment, and if there is anything I'd like you to know now, is that you taught me a lot about myself.

You taught me that my love for others is far bigger than that of myself. You taught me that regardless of how scary life gets at times, you have to rely on fear to guide you. You taught me that school itself wasn't what was necessary to make a living, but rather the experience and knowledge you get out of it alone. But most importantly you taught me that no one can give you the reassurance of waking up one day and promising that they won't feel differently. That simply isn't realistic.

Doubt might live to create confusion and loss within ourselves, but often times it creates ideas that become realistic and open our eyes to what matters the most. I thank you for allowing me to take the doubt and be grateful for the memories we shared. Doubt left me feeling butterflies within my stomach knowing that the last four years were some of the most memorable ones. Doubt allowed me to accept that the world really doesn't need any more hate out there, and that regardless of how things ended up, you'll always have a place in my heart as I could never hate someone I once loved so dearly.

I don't expect anyone to understand the thought process that lives within my doubt and acceptance, but through my spiritual whirlwind, I've accepted that life goes on, and that all beautiful things come to an end one day.

Sunday, January 21, 2018

My Ideal Relationship


It was the beginning of high school, end of middle school, which also meant the time where people began exploring the idea of love. I remember sitting at the lunch table with my group of friends discussing what growing up meant, as a question got brought up.

"Whats your ideal relationship?"

From a young age I was obsessed with the idea of love. I would watch novelas with my mom, creating an illusion of what it meant to be in love. As I grew, I would watch and read everything Nicholas Sparks because it meant I would know exactly when I would fall in love based on what the stories told. 

I had never thought of what my ideal relationship would be, I just knew I wanted to be loved. So as I went on with the first two years of high school not really paying attention to that aspect, I figured it would be like what everyone said "it'll come unexpected", and that it would be my first and only love. 

The summer following my sophomore year I decided to get a job. At the time a job was a way for me to become more independent and a way to break free from my shyness, I had decided that I was going to force myself out of my comfort zone and that I would force myself to make friends outside of school. 

My first job was at a restaurant a few miles away from my house. I remember being nervous my first day as I had never stepped foot into a room of complete strangers. As I walked in I met a few of the employees that were working that day. After a few hours of learning the basics of keeping the place clean as well as customer service, in walked a guy. 

About five months of working at this restaurant I began building relationships with my co workers and felt comfortable enough to joke around. Yet, I always felt too shy to make conversation with one of the guys that worked with me. The thing about working at the restaurant was that I was the youngest employee working there and that everyone was probably 4+ years older than I. I remember forcing myself to let go of my fears and introducing myself to this guy, because after all he was 6 years older than I and I had nothing to lose. Yeahhhhh, thats what I thought. 

About a year of working here I had developed friendships with everyone working as they all put in a good amount of hours a week and every shift I worked, they were there. I remember one of the girls who worked with us decided to make plans during our closing shift to grab a burger after work, and as everyone agreed I began to feel a sense of excitement. 

After every one left that night I remember getting a text message, and as I opened it up I realized it was from the guy I was too scared to converse with.

I remember walking into work a few weeks of texting him non stop, and walking into the freezer to get pitchers to fill up the salsas in the lobby. As I walked in I bumped into him, and began feeling butterflies in my stomach. That day I told him I liked him and basically asked him out, and following our first date we were official. 

We dated for about 2 & 1/2 years. 
The truth is, he wasn't a bad guy. But if there was anything I learned from this relationship, it was that you should never have to ask to feel loved, you should never feel betrayed, you should never feel alone, and you should never feel like the person who you give your all to does not give you the same in return. 

I remember having thoughts of walking away quite a few times, but always backing out of it as I knew I was not someone who gave up easy. So as months carried on, I remember laying in bed crying after he would choose work over me. I remember calling him only to find my calls going straight to voice mail as he was out clubbing with his friends. I remember asking for help when my anxiety began to act up, only to get a response that read "sorry I'm busy". All I wanted was to feel loved, and to feel like everything I was putting into my relationship was helping me grow as a person. I wanted someone who could keep a conversation, and not just take me home to lay in bed. I remember spending hours making a valentines day card for him our second year of dating, it was a big deal to me because if you know me I live for hallmark holidays. As he came over that night, I handed him what I thought was the most creative gift & homemade card that was written from the heart. He came over only to say he was going to be busy and dropped off a card & balloon. I yet again made excuses "Hey at least he made the effort". As I walked inside to open the card, the inside was blank. 

Once I quit my job I began to see him less and less. Our relationship was still there, but the effort was not being made. I began working at a retail store. About a year or so of not working together our relationship began getting harder as he continued his old ways of ignoring my calls, making no time, and clubbing. I never wanted to be the girlfriend to change him, but I was done laying in bed crying feeling well.. not loved, so I made it my goal to grab lunch with friends, and to go out myself. I became really close to my co workers and felt loved by a group of people who I quickly considered family. 

One night I got a text message from one of my co workers asking if I wanted to hang out. Twenty minutes before this I was crying in bed after getting ignored once again. I quickly grabbed my reading glasses to hide my eye bags and headed out. We spent hours in his car talking about life, and after that night we continued to hangout every few days. The truth is, there was never any intentions there, never once did he make a move to interfere with what I had going. 

I found it difficult to be honest with myself as I found myself growing feelings for him. So as I was texting him one day, I was asking for advice on breaking up with my boyfriend after deciding to do it that day. His response was simply "Do it in a public place, and if you need anything let me know"

The truth is, my ideal relationship came unexpected, and it wasn't my first. My ideal relationship was to feel loved during some of my lowest moments. My ideal relationship was to share a friendship where I could feel comfortable being myself and opening up when I felt like I had to. My ideal relationship was not getting a "I'm busy" message but rather a "I'm here if you need me". For once I understood what it meant to love, and feel loved back, and the best part about it was I never once had to ask.

Saturday, December 30, 2017

Cheers to 2018

What a year.
As we quickly approach the last few days of the year, I've found myself reflecting on all the obstacles and opportunities that presented themselves. I have learned many lessons this year as I continue to step foot into adulthood and learn to prioritize certain things over others. I thought the best way to wrap up my year was by making a list of things I learned, and a few of the things that I hope to accomplish over 2018.

I hope everyone had an eye opening year and was able to learn something about one's self along the way to make 2018 a little extra special!

2017 was a year filled with anxiety and anguish. As the world watched the country's devastating events take place, I couldn't help but feel lost. I am definitely someone who relies on my environment's energy to get me through, and during times when life felt very low, I found it hard to get on my feet. Despite the feeling of loss, I took the negativity and learned a few lessons out of it.

1. Don't allow other people to determine your happiness
Perhaps its the sagittarius traits in me, but I absolutely hate when someone tells me I can't do something. Throughout the year I had several instances where people would try to convince me of what decision was best for me, and although I did appreciate it, I wish I would have thought about myself at first. Rather than choosing decisions based on what others believed to be the right thing to do, I found myself ignoring what I wanted to do and followed as I was told, in the end creating breakdowns and unhappiness.

2. Your health matters!!
I've mentioned several times that I tend to be someone who piles up an unrealistic amount of things on my plate, and although I know I can accomplish whatever I put my mind to, my stubborn personality led me to the doctor's office way more times than I would have planned in 2017. It can be easy to forget about the simple things such as getting a good amount of sleep, or drinking a glass of water, let alone the 7 or so that doctors recommend. With everything going on in my life, I was not on top of my health, further creating issues that could have an effect on me in the future. I remember hearing a saying, "treat your body as if it was someone's you loved"

3. Ask questions, don't be scared.
This can fall under several occasions, however, this relates to health and doctors visits for me. I remember taking a health communications class a few semester back and learning a lot about communication in general. People tend to be scared of their doctors and always just go by what they recommend as they believe they should know everything, I mean they're doctors right?? WRONG. This year I learned to value my health a bit more and switched doctors at least 4 times simply because I felt like they didn't fit what I needed out of a doctor's visit. I learned to ask questions, seriously.. about everything! I learned to be honest and shy away from feeling embarrassed. I learned to not be scared, and to research everything I wanted to know about my mental health, and body.

3. Just do it!
If there's one thing I'm really glad I did this year, it was letting go of some fear and doing things I've been wanting to do for a while. This year, I quit my job, and began working in the city, which has always been a childhood dream. Although it may not be my ideal job, I get to spend everyday in my favorite city and leaving behind the negative that was roaming over my life, I finally get to say I feel content and happy with my decisions. Don't let fear get in the way of you doing things, just do them. It can be easier said than done, but let yourself explore the idea, and act on it while you can.

4. You can't control what goes on
Like I said, I depend on my environment's energy, and often times have mental breakdowns when things go bad. I've learned that you can't control what goes on in life, but you can control how you react to it. I've learned that its 100% ok to cry, be mad, be happy, and be sad. There's no right or wrong way to go about life events, but understanding that bad things must happen for good to come in, is something I really learned to value. 

5. Don't take things for granted
This year changed my perspective on how to live life. All the events that took place, and especially having to research and study  them for class assignments, really took a toll on me. I found it very inspiring how our community, through the internet, and the streets, came together to fight for things we felt were important. I think that's something I look forward to in 2018 as I want to get involved and not sit back taking my rights as an individual for granted. 

6. You can only meet someone half way
I think one of the hardest things about reaching your 20's, and well adulthood, is deciding who you're leaving behind. If you're anything like me, I would drive a whole road trip of a rode for anyone I felt was important to my life, without realizing all the negative impact I am enduring. One thing I realized was.. well you can only meet someone half way. The road is to be shared in order to make any type of relationship work, whether it'd be a friendship or a relationship with a significant other. I learned to be patient, give space when needed, but overall realize when people aren't willing to make time for you. It can be hard accepting the diminish of a friendship, but it can only get worst if you're sitting there questioning everything. I've learned that people will make time and effort to see you if they really want to, and that you should value the time you have with your loved ones, always!

7. Education is everything
School is not for everyone. In the beginning of college 4 years ago, I wasn't even sure what I was doing attending classes because I simply didn't fit in. I didn't read. I didn't take notes. I didn't enjoy lectures. I stuck through it. Fast forward to my senior year, I learned to take my time with education. It can be very easy to feel unfit when you see your friends and peer graduating while you continue to choose classes for the following semester. This year, I allowed myself to take classes I found interest in, and to simply learn. 2017 had so many events take place that made it even more interesting to learn about the past, about the future, and well about what was going on in our world. I learned to value education as I began realizing that not everyone gets a fair shot at it! 

In 2018, I want to go about living life as if I only had a few months to figure it all out 

  • I want to focus on my education
  • I want to focus on my health, and get help
  • I want to not settle, and find what I love
  • I want to love myself
  • I want to learn to be patient
  • I want to express my creativity
  • I want to do things for me
  • I want to prove myself wrong, because anything is possible
  • I want to meet new people 
  • I want to travel
  • I want to let go of fears 
  • I want to try new things
  • I want to organize my lifestyle
  • I want to focus on myself.



Tuesday, October 10, 2017

WHY I CHOSE TO CUT DOWN ON SOCIAL MEDIA


In honor of World Mental Health Day I wanted to share my reason for taking a break from social media and what I got out of it. 

I remember a question popping into my head earlier in the year which was
“Am I gonna be 30 trying to keep up with social media?”
It sounds pretty silly right, well let me try to explain. 
Social media plays a huge role in our generation today. It is the root to how people receive news, how people interact amongst each other, and sadly enough how people stay up to date with just about everything and everyone. 

In high school I remember always being on my phone listening to music and staying up to date on articles, which is what led me to pick my major in college. Around senior year of high school I remember my friends always taking videos during lunch, and when I asked why, their response was simply “Snapchat”.

I’m not gonna lie, I was pretty intrigued to learn what this was, so like many other teenagers, I made an account not really knowing how to use it. After a few weeks of opening the app every few hours I finally understood how to go about it. 

I would spend hours going back and forth between apps on my phone, which at the time, didn’t seem wrong, but the more I think about it now, the more it makes me upset. Now my point here is not to convince you social media is bad for you, because if that was the case not only would that make me a hypocrite, but I’d also be introducing you with studies from people who actually know what they’re talking about. I’m simply just trying to share the moment I realized I was way deep into this social media empire.

Remember the days when taking pictures of your food started becoming a thing on Instagram? I think that’s when the craze began. In reality it wasn’t so much about the food, but instead, because everyone else was doing it, you were pretty much forced to keep up with the trend. I think its important to take note of this: everyone else was doing it. This will help further explain. 

Today I use social media as a way of staying up to date with news going on around the world, I use it to stay in touch with family members and friends who live far away, as well as a way to express myself, whether its through pictures I post on Instagram, or text forming my opinions.

 Instagram has never affected me in a negative way, simply because I use it as a picture diary. I simply use the app to post a picture and later use print studio to print the pictures & put them up on my wall. I enjoy going back through my feed and reliving memories, (which I try not to delete unless its involves birthday posts). I used to be careful about who I allowed to see my feed and would block people from school, until one day I stopped caring. 

Unfortunately Instagram isn’t the only social media platform I have had experiences with. 

From the beginning of me logging into the world of Snapchat I noted a huge difference. Snapchat was a place where people put just about everything they didn’t post on Instagram or Twitter, it had a personal side to it. If you’re anything like me, personal stuff kind of weirds you out. Any of my friends would tell you I don’t like to share a lot of my personal life, maybe a few glimpses, but I have a weird thing about opening up to people. Now for someone who’s like me it may seem weird that I even considered keeping up with Snapchat for any longer than a week. Here’s where the problem began. 

I quickly learned all the features of Snapchat which included things like filters, stories, and friend streaks. It already sounds like way too much to keep up with right? Well as time went on the features grew making it almost impossible to not know what everyone was up to. I was “friends” with people I barely knew simply because keeping up with everyone was a thing. Snapchat really did take over my life. I would click and refresh the app every few hours if not minutes, and watch people sing to their cameras, drink tequila shots, and embarrass their friends using filters. In our generation this seems to be pretty normal, well I thought that was the case too which is why I began doing it. I would hang out with my friends, my phone always in hand. I would freak out when the time clock would appear next to someone’s name following by a number of days on the verge of disappearing. I would post my whereabouts hoping people watched. It simply became an obsession. 

The obsession only continued to grow, that when I would be having lunch with friends who weren’t into social media, it was awkward to have to sneak a picture of them or the food to show others what I was doing. I actually remember an occasion where I got into this huge argument with my brother who was simply asking me to put my phone away when we were having lunch. My brother and I used to grab food to catch up and talk about life, but during this time I was having a hard time separating my reality with what I was trying to convince others of. I actually remember him telling me I had to stop being on my phone 24/7 and actually enjoy having a real conversation without my phone. I was not only mad but felt disrespected when he said this. I ignored the situation and carried on with my life. Another situation occurred when I was out with a few friends and was posting videos of us hanging out. I must admit I’m awful at texting but I remember ignoring texts coming into my phone. It didn’t seem like a big deal until I realized these individuals could note I was on my phone after watching the ten second videos I was blasting Snapchat with. 

I want to take a minute to mention the friend streak feature on snapchat because I was talking to a friend not too long about it over lunch. I want to share an example of a time I began realizing social media was affecting me. A little over a year ago I was going through a few things, one of them being dealing with the death of my grandma. This event came so sudden and had a really huge impact on me, I’m not lying when I say it was HARD. I, at the time, was going through a huge transition with myself as I fell into a little hole of depression. I had a few friends at the time who were aware of my grandma’s death and never bothered to check up on me. This is where my anxiety took a toll on me as I felt like there was no one I could really talk to aside from my family. While this was all happening I was still trying to live a normal life both off the internet as well as online. I was snap chatting a little less but still trying to keep up with everything going on. The friend streak features plays into this as I remember people blasting me with a reminder to snap them back before our streak would end. One day I realized something: Wait… how are these “friends” worried way more about keeping our friendship alive online, but can’t bother to ask me how I’m doing in real life. 

I promise Snapchat isn’t the only social media platform that played a role. I remember the days I used to log onto Twitter to cover Giants baseball, fashion, and blogging. At the time Twitter was fun, I met some really cool people who were using this platform for the same thing. While I was living this private life online I never once mentioned my blog or social media accounts with people in my life aside from my brother. I liked the privacy of it and being able to say just about anything. Somewhere along time I began following my friends online and everything that came with the reality of it including subtweets. 

I don’t think social media is all bad, I mean I am pursing a journalism degree in a time where social media has taken over the newspaper industry, so who am I to convince you? I still to this day use social media, and I still do share glimpses into my life. However over the last two-three months I have grown an interest on finding time to be offline and enjoying my reality. I find myself not hesitating to find a charging station and not worrying about catching every moment on my phone and simply living in the moment. To think this never existed in previous generations is something that comes across my mind everyday. I want to emphasize the importance on clearing your mind and giving yourself mental days to focus on your own life instead of someone’s else’s. So I guess what I’m trying to say is, social media can take a toll on an individual and it shouldn’t be hard to admit, because everyone goes through the obsession stage, all I’m trying to say is… be able to notice it and step away when necessary. Remember that friend streaks online shouldn’t define your friendships offline, and that you shouldn’t feel obligated to post a 10 second clip on a daily basis, in fact I encourage you to try to take a week off of social media. 

"We all care what people think of us. We all want to feel accepted. We all want to feel liked. Social media multiplies those thoughts and feelings without us even realizing it." 
-Jason Took (JasdonDoesStuff)

If you want to read an awesome article on social media detox before you give it a try yourself I will link this article. Jason did a 30 day social media detox and kept a journal on his feelings and the process.
Please read! Not only is it accurate, but he provides more links that might be interesting to you.
JASON'S DETOX

Happy Mental Health Day 💛
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